You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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