You smell like a Billy Joel song
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
