oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
