And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
