Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
