I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
