So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We are two peas in an std pod
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Randomize
