You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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