its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
