You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
