i barfeds in our rink
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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