I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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