I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
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Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
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You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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