please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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