I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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