just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
