Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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