party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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