***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
