Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
