Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
