There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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