woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
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I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
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I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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