I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
