you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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