walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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