I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????