The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Randomize
