i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
