Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS