he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
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I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...