Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.