they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
