there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
