I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
