maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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