Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
