Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
