Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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