Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
