proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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