So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
