So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
