This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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