why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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