im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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