I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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