I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
