Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
