dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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