could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize