You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Terrible idea I love it
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
