His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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