Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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