This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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