We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
