Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
