I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Randomize
