I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
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I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
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Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I would ride that face into the sunset
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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