i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
