Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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