Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
