there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
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Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
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gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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