god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
