If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
