i need an iv and a liver transplant
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
