it hurts more in the daytime
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
