I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
