I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
