i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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