From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
