your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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