What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
