new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
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My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
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We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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