My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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