you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
