WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
