Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
